I thought I had lost you
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: "'He has her,' Jane stated. Nobody really listened to him. Maybe they knew he was right and didn't want to accept it. They didn't want to acknowledge the fact that despite her tough cop appearance, he would rip her apart with his bare hands." Jisbon, one-shot, Rated T to be on the safe side. Really fluffy at the ending.


**A/N: Just a one-shot, I was feeling like it. Well, no actually, I wrote this a few months ago. It was the start of a longer story but that story sucked in my opinion so I never posted it, but I actually liked the first part so I completely deleted the last part and re-wrote it and now I actually like it... I hope you do too! ^^**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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**_'I thought I had lost you'_**

"He has her," Jane stated.

Nobody really listened to him. Maybe they knew he was right and didn't want to accept it. They didn't want to acknowledge the fact that despite her tough cop appearance, he would rip her apart with his bare hands.

But most of all, they didn't want to accept that he had won.

"He has her," Jane said again, and he was ready to say it again and again, just like he'd done the past few days, but Van Pelt stopped him.

"Just shut up, Jane. You're annoying us."

"But he has her."

"Stop it Jane," Cho interrupted. Jane looked at the man for a few seconds before nodding.

"Fine," he hissed. He roughly put his tea cup on his desk, causing its already cooled down contents to spill over the edge. He took off before any of them had a change to stop him, running to his attic in long, firm strides.

The team crossed eyes, then sighed.

"Do you think she's dead?" Rigsby asked. It was obvious that neither of them wanted to answer it, probably because the answer was getting more and more obvious with the day.

It had been one and a half week since they had found Red John's note on Lisbon's desk.

_Dear Mr. Jane,_

_You really don't learn, do you?  
I must say that Teresa is more interesting than Angela would have ever been. She's, let's say, 'fierce', much more than your beautiful wife._

_Anyway, I'm sorry to inform you that I took Teresa from you. Face it, Patrick, I gave you enough time with her but you were just too naïve to do anything with it. It's not fair for Teresa either, she deserves so much more than what you gave her – or didn't, for that matter._

_Greetings from your friend,_

_John._

It had only taken a few hours until Jane had broken down. It had seemed he hadn't really thought of the meaning of the words written on the paper until he really realized it when Lisbon hadn't come in and didn't answer his phone calls. It had been in that moment that the truth sank in and he had ran through the CBI Headquarters without a true purpose, the team unsuccessfully trying to calm him down or stop him. Of course they couldn't do that, the only person capable of doing that was Lisbon. She had the most control over him.

Van Pelt shook her head.

"Why would he kill her? The fun would be gone then. Lisbon would be dead, and therefore, Jane would kill himself. Red John's little game would be over and I don't think that he would do that just yet. He would wait until Jane or Lisbon killed him."

Rigsby nodded.

"But if this is all a game he's playing with Jane, then why hasn't he sent us any kind of message yet?"

Van Pelt hesitated. "Because he's not ready to play that game yet."

"Who? Jane or Red John?"

"Both, probably."

"But if Red John wasn't ready for that game, why did he kidnap Lisbon?"

"I don't know, okay."

As if on cue, Jane stormed into the bullpen again, his whole angry demeanor gone which startled the team more than just a bit. He did roughly throw his phone on Van Pelt's desk though, and she frowned before looking at the phone.

Her eyes went wide with shock when she saw what had driven Jane to such an action, and she shared some looks with Jane for a few seconds before turning to her computer and frantically typing away things.

The two men at the other side of the bullpen looked at the two with frowns on their faces. When Jane turned to them, he pressed his lips into a thin line and that's all they needed to know.

"She's dead?" Rigsby asked.

Jane closed his eyes, before shrugging. He waited until Van Pelt didn't need the phone anymore, and passed it on to the two men.

Their eyes went wide too – for as much as Kimball Cho's eyes could go wide – and then almost cursed.

"Son of a bitch," Cho muttered under his breath. Jane took his phone back and cuddled it to his chest. It was the last thing he had of Lisbon, apparently.

He didn't want to live without her. Well. It was more a question of being capable of than wanting to, but they were equal in his mind. He both wasn't capable of living without her, as well as he didn't want to live without her anymore.

She had become a big, beautiful part of his life, even though he had never thought of it that way. She was his savior, had always been right from the beginning, and it took Red John to make him realize that he couldn't hide it anymore, he couldn't play dumb for the rest of his life.

He couldn't deny anymore that he was in love with Teresa Lisbon. No, he wasn't in love with her, that was a feeling that faded really quickly, like having a cold. The right medicines should be able to cure someone of it and that was what he believed as well.

No, he loved her. Simple as that. He loved her. And not as a best friend or sister like he'd tried to convince himself of the past nine years. It couldn't be that you felt these kind of feelings for siblings, that would be creepy.

Though saying that his love was simple was a stupid thing to say. It wasn't simple as well, his feelings ran far deeper than something has ever ran for him. Angela was just a silly – but beautiful – crush.

Jane had thought about this for a long while, and he realized that he was suffering a mild version of the Stockholm syndrome, as it were. Lisbon was his captor, who provided him with attention, both positive and negative, and he started to have feelings for her even though it was completely irrational at times. But right now, these feelings were completely rational because he had realized that Lisbon was not a bad person, she never was and she would never be a bad person. She didn't have a selfish side within her.

"Jane," Van Pelt said gently, and his head shot up to look at her. She swallowed, before continuing. "I tracked down their location."

-YulianaHenderson-

"Remember, don't be stupid, don't be a hero," Cho ordered as they stood in front of the door of the warehouse, where Red John and Lisbon apparently had to be.

Jane nodded, absentmindedly. The picture that Red John had sent him was still in the back of his mind; Lisbon, tied to what seemed to be a heater, and half naked.

So the son of a bitch hadn't only abused her, if the bruises and cuts had been any indication, he had also raped her.

Jane felt his stomach turn again at the realization, and it was all his fault. If he had been there for her, Red John wouldn't have done this. Okay, maybe he would've, but then Jane wouldn't have felt so guilty and stupid as he did now.

"Jane," Van Pelt said, accompanied with a hand on his shoulder, and that pulled him out of his reverie. He looked into her amber eyes, and he swallowed. "She needs you, okay. If she's still in there, she'll need you. Despite what she'll tell you."

It didn't escape Jane's attention that she hadn't said 'if she's still alive', because they all wanted to stay positive. They didn't want to accept the fact that she could be dead by now.

The team went inside, and Jane stayed outside as they had discussed. It wasn't of any use for either the team or Lisbon if he was shot, and because he didn't carry a gun with him he had nothing to protect himself with.

That didn't mean that he was happy with it, though. He wanted to find Lisbon the first, he wanted to know the first if she was alive or not.

"Jane!" he heard Cho exclaiming from the inside, and Jane didn't need more encouragement. He ran inside, to find Van Pelt rushing to the door to get him. She did seem to be upset, but he couldn't read if that because of the state of Lisbon's dead body, or her alive one.

As soon as Jane reached the room, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to cry or make a happy dance, since against the wall was Lisbon sitting, barely breathing but she was breathing.

Her head shot up, it was obvious that she had noticed that it was Jane, and a weak smile crept on her face.

He rushed to her, and when he arrived at her side, Rigsby and Cho stepped away and went to call 911.

"You're here," Lisbon whispered, and Jane nodded. He didn't know why she doubted that he would be here, then realized that Red John had probably told her countless of times that Jane wouldn't come and after a while, Lisbon came to believe the lie since he still wasn't there yet.

"You found me..." she whispered again, and her voice broke.

"Oh Teresa," he whispered. He knelt down beside her and pulled her close to his body, providing the necessary body warmth that she needed in this cold building. She shivered, but didn't flinch away.

"You're gonna be okay, Teresa, okay? You really are. I'm here now." They both knew that he didn't only mean here in this moment, but they had far bigger problems to deal with now – for instance, the big cut in her abdomen did worry him.

His hands wandered to her belly, and she flinched away from his touch.

Damn that son of a bitch.

"I don't know what he told you but I love you. And that is never going to change. I've been freaking out without you. I just love you too much."

"Jane, you don't-"

"Teresa, please. Please, believe me. I may have acted like an ass ever since we met but that was just a mask. I was already falling for you the first day I saw you. You're perfect, Teresa. You're perfect, and I love you. And I accept it if you don't trust me anymore. Even if I'd have to fight for you forever to have you realize that I _do_ love you, I will do that. Because you're worth it, and I would do everything to have you love me back-"

"Stop," Lisbon breathed, and Jane tensed.  
"What's wrong?" he asked, and she weakly shook her head.  
"I already love you, you moron," she whispered, and Jane hugged her so close that she winched in pain again. He pushed her away from him a bit, and she raised her hand to cup his cheek. "Oh, I love you."

Jane's heart made a few leaps, until she winched again, but this time, it wasn't because of any pressure he was putting on her wounds.

He froze. "Teresa." She didn't respond anymore, though she had her eyes opened and was looking straight into his eyes. She was going into shock. He fell from cloud nine before he could even realize he fell off it. "Teresa, stay with me."

"I love you, Patrick," she breathed. Jane shook his head.  
"This is not a goodbye moment, Teresa. You're not going to leave me."

"I love you," she breathed again.

"Teresa, listen to me. Stay with me, don't close your eyes, okay. I'm not allowing you to just go like this, you deserve something with more dignity. Red John is going to win like this and we don't want him to win. We're here to show him that perfect people like you can make pieces of shit like me better people, remember? We're here to show him that love always comes first-"

"I love you, stop talking," she breathed, and much to his dismay, he saw her growing weaker and weaker with the second. He realized that he had to act now, if he didn't want to live with regrets for the rest of his life if this was really going to end like he suspected it to end.

He bowed down and kissed her. Just like that. Because if he wouldn't do it now, he probably would never have the chance to do it.

He felt her smile against his lips, and he had never ever felt something so contradicting in his life. He knew there was a possibility she wasn't going to survive this, and that was all his fault, but he also couldn't help but feeling blissfully happy as he finally had her after waiting for so many years.

Her grip on his upper arm loosened and Jane pulled away slightly, not enough to actually be far away from her but their noses were still touching. He shook his head frantically.  
"Teresa, no, please... fight it, please... I love you, don't leave now, I need you. I need you more than my next breath."

"Patrick," she breathed, and he saw she was fighting to keep her eyes opened, but she failed eventually, and she became numb in his arms.

"Teresa," Jane whispered, half a question, half a whimper. He reached up to caress her cheek. He couldn't believe it. Was this it? Was this their love story? One minute of undying love which became dying love afterwards? This couldn't be it. This wasn't how he had imagined _them_ to be like.

He wrapped his arms tighter around her, burying his head in the crook of her neck. He cried, he couldn't help it. He had lost her, just like that, the only light in his life.

That moment, the paramedics chose to step inside and as they tried to tear Lisbon away from him, he didn't comply. He kept her as close to him as possible. It was only when one of the people said that there was still a chance that she was going to survive it that he let her go, not leaving her side one moment.

He fell back into that dark year, straight after Angela and Charlotte had died. His vision had been red blurred most of the time, and all he had wanted was revenge, revenge, revenge. Just like he wanted revenge too when Lisbon had closed her eyes despite him telling her she couldn't that. She had been his saving, she had made him see the positive side of life again and in that short moment, he thought he had lost everything all over again. Only now, he wouldn't end up in an insane asylum – he would be dead, that's for sure. He couldn't take it a second time, he couldn't go through it all again.

But when the paramedics did CPR on her, trying to bring her back to the living again, and apparently had succeeded, he could breathe again, and he could think about a future again. Which he had never really thought about but could now that the main character of his tomorrow was still alive.

The people there were aware that Jane wasn't going to leave Lisbon's side so they didn't even fight him when he walked with them to the ambulance. They gave him strict rules about what he could and couldn't do, but he didn't listen. The only thing he heard was Lisbon's weak but steady breathing, which was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.

-YulianaHenderson-

It had been such a close call. For all of them, but especially for Lisbon and Jane.

After all, it had been _her_ who had almost died and _him_ to have almost killed himself because of her death.

Jane was sitting at one side of the waiting room, his head in his hands, and the team was studying him. They had never actually had the opportunity to watch him finally giving in to feelings from deep inside. He had always had a mask in front of his face, shielding anyone, including but sometimes not, Lisbon. Nobody was ever allowed to see what he was really feeling, and yet right now, there was an uncensored avalanche of emotions playing on his face, but the ones they saw the most were worry and love. The first one, they had seen a few times before, but never the latter one. And that, in itself, was a surprise they had not entirely anticipated when they had come to the hospital. For once, they had actually _wanted_ Jane to act all indifferent because it would make this far easier for them as well.

They had heard from the paramedics that awaited them in which state they had found the two. To say that the team was surprised was an understatement. Of course, they knew that Jane cared about her, that much was obvious in the way he had freaked out after they had heard that Red John had taken Lisbon, but they hadn't suspected that he would actually react on it and do something with those feelings.

Yes, the entire building was betting over it, but the people that were closest to the two were the ones who would probably be the most surprised over this kind of news. After all, they had worked with them for nine years now and knew that the only thing they had had over these years was a platonic relationship. It didn't mean anything. Not that it sometimes wasn't obvious that their feelings were showing, but still. That ought to be pretty normal with their circumstances.

Jane and Lisbon had always known that they could never really react on these feelings. It would be too dangerous since that could mean that Lisbon would be hurt and Jane indirectly as well. No need for two severely damaged people to be damaged even more.

No, it was better to stay at the safe side of life than risk each other's lives by trying to be happy.

"Jane, did you... did you and..." Van Pelt started, trying to break the silence but there was no hope for that now. He looked up, and they saw tears simmering in his eyes.

Van Pelt shook her head, already regretting trying to ask such a thing. It was obvious anyway. "Never mind."

Jane nodded, and went back to silently crying over his almost loss of the woman he loved, and then the team noticed it – he had taken off his ring. They all saw it, if the way they exchanged looks was any indication, but they didn't want to question him about it. Not yet.

Lisbon's doctor stepped outside and Jane was with the man in a matter of seconds. The man startled at Jane's approach, but got his clipboard from under his arm.

"Miss Lisbon seems to be doing fine... considering the circumstances. I advise that she stays here for at least a week, so we can monitor her. She has lost a lot of blood, and with her size that's even more dangerous than for other people. She has been lucky, Mr. Jane."

"Can I see her?"

The doctor glared at Jane for a while, evidently building up a strong hate-relationship, but nodded, sighing.

Jane almost stormed into the room. He found her in the big hospital bed, already asleep. She looked so tiny like this, and her skin looked even paler now that she had lost a considerable amount of blood. Her dark hair was sprawled out around her head, her hands in loose fists next to her body.

He ran a hand through his hair.

He loved her too much. But he couldn't let her go. He would undoubtedly hurt her, he would always hurt her, but god dammit, he wanted her to be close to him. He loved her, and he always had.

He walked to the side of her bed and brushed a strand of hair out of her face.

Should he... should he do it?

He reached into his pocket and got out the little velvet box he had been carrying with him for months now. He opened it and looked at the ring inside. One big diamond in the middle, and five little ones at both sides of it.

"Patrick?"

His head shot up and he met sleepy, emerald green eyes. He quickly put the velvet box back in his pocket and got up to pull her into a tight hug that left no space for breathing. She didn't even wince even though her wounds should be hurting like hell right now.

"Oh my god," Jane breathed, and inhaled the scent that was so typically Lisbon he almost started to cry. "I thought I'd lost you."

Lisbon merely nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck a bit tighter, so everything around her was Patrick Jane.

"I love you," she whispered, "I love you, I love you..."

"Teresa... we'll start a new life... just us. Away from here."

"I don't-"

"I know it's stupid, we haven't even been dating for long, but I feel like we're ready for this. We have been ready for this... for a long time."

It looked as though she had two question marks in her eyes, and he chuckled softly. He brushed her cheek, then reached into his jacket pocket again.

"Will you marry me, Teresa?"

She gasped, and her eyes went wide with shock. She stared at him.

"I love you. I love you with all my heart, I never want to let you go again. I don't know where I'd be if you weren't here. I would probably be dead."

"Patrick..."

"I love you, Teresa. I love you."

"I love you too, but-"

His hand rested on her hip as he bowed down and kissed her belly through the thick hospital sheets. She shuddered.  
"Wha-"

"What's hiding underneath these sheets, Teresa, is the prove of how stupid I've been. I didn't pay attention, and he took you. He took you away from me. And I almost lost you. Do you know what will happen with me if I were to lose you, Teresa? I will disappear into nothingness. I won't be able to take this a second time, Teresa. I love you too much-"

"Shh, I know."

He kissed her belly again. She made him move up and linked their lips. Then she pulled away again. She ran her hand through his curls, then intertwined their hands, making him sit down on the edge of the bed instead of standing next to it.

"Yes, Patrick. I will marry you. _If_ you promise me to really _be_ with_ me_ and not with Red John. You may be worried or sad but I want you to stay with me and not go to your attic to sulk-"

"I won't, Teresa. I won't, I promise."

She pulled him down and kissed him again. He moved his lips against hers, then trying to get the ring out of the velvet box without separating. She smiled and pushed him away gently, then took the velvet box out of his hands and slid the ring on her finger herself.

"Dammit... this looks really expensive, Jane."

He rolled his eyes. Then grew serious again.

"I bought it before... I sold my house a few months ago. I... I didn't think I'd need it anymore... and it didn't fit in the future picture I had in my mind. And I bought a new house... outside of Sacramento. When I hadn't been sleeping in the attic or on your couch in your office, I would be living in that house." He kissed the ring on her finger, then the top of her hand. His eyes were sparkling with enthusiasm and love. "It's a big house, Teresa, with... with five rooms, and two bathrooms, and-"

"Just for the two of us?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. She knew he had more planned but he wouldn't tell her. Or he hadn't told her now, that didn't say he wouldn't tell her.

He was almost blushing, and she chuckled, brushing his cheek.

"I... I... No... for now, it's for the two of us..."

She pulled him down again for a kiss, then whispered against his lips.

"We can always have children, Patrick. Let's now focus on this what we have now. I almost died today, for God's sake."

"You're right." He smiled. "And that's why I have you."

He hugged her to him, and though he had been wearing a mask since he had entered the room, he couldn't now. He felt his tears fall before he could force them back.

He had almost lost her. And here he was making plans for the future already. But so much had happened.

Yet it was the only thing he could focus on now – his future. His past was gone, Red John had made sure of that. Jane only had his future left, a future with Lisbon.

There was a soft knock on the door and he put her back onto the bed softly, then turned to the door, wiping at his eyes to get rid of the tears.

Cho walked in, not surprised to see them hugging nor to see the ring on Lisbon's left hand.

"We caught him. We have sufficient evidence to send him to prison for the rest of his life, or worse."

That was it. Cho left the room, and Jane felt her hand on his upper arm.

He completely lost his fight against his tears then, crying like he had when he had believed that she had died, yet now she was here, to hold him and whisper soothing words.

Red John was doomed.

And Teresa Lisbon was still alive.

That was everything Jane wanted in his world.

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**A/N: This turned out longer than I expected, the story itself was actually 4000+ words and I was like 'wow, okay, uh...' But let me know if you liked it, it would mean a lot, thank you!**


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